Tuesday, July 3, 2007
I think i getting more and more nuts when im with alan, So tired... I still cannot stand the selfishness in him... Asking me not to sleep accompany him shop online? watch Tv?Whenever i complaint my thing he dun listen den when is his turn i MUST listen no matter how busy am i...So sick and tired rite ? Today i having depresstion mood, Was thinking of killing myself. I was talking to alan, he ask me dun talk, his thing is more improtant (cuz he wan to order thing online & he dun know how to pay by paypal.)... He's everything is more improtant den me.. My hand wet "Bu xiao Xin" touch his watch wah his face turn black... We qurral, he giving me a feeling that he pushing everything to me as everything is just my fault.. I should listen to him, I should put my life / Family / fren behind him... HIS'S THE GREATEST.. ! Finally i cant stand i slap-ed myself so hard, he keep quiet for quite sometime.. Soon i cried (of Cuz)..After that he cant stop keep saying thing like everything is my fault So i shouted at him.. Den i went to the toilet. I started to bang my head on the wall,i bath for long time, Soaking myself in the shower. I started to think alot.. Realli alot.I rememeber last time i qurral with my family about alan, I was so angry i throw a big box out of the window. Den i shouted to my mum, if i jump-ed down will i like the box ? she just say i siao,And walked away... Feel so unloved realli wanted to jump down.... If one day i realli does that, will there ppl who care for me ? and not saying i siao but show me some concern... ?even my family thinks that i say say onli wont do it de, so cant be bother.. Have they ever imgain that if one day i realli do it.. One day when i break down.....Alan cant show any concern....... Dont know i have this bf for wat ? i cant even understand myself.. I start to be very tired cos i sleep almost 3 - 4am everynight now... i was very tired..When is him i ask-ed him to stay late, He will give me all the bull-shit.but me ? i cannot use any excuse but to listen to him..... !WHY ? WHY WHY WHY ?I realli tired of my life....
♥ the world will turn WILD.
1:12 AM
